You are in 1984: 2009

“The Making of Romeo & Juliet”
-Monica Datta

SCENE 1

The real audience is made to wait for exactly 2 minutes after which, in walks a man onto the stage, who stops midway, and addresses the audience…

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of ‘Plays at the Drop of a Hat’, I welcome you all to an evening of creative excellence.

Voice heard from backstage: Where’s the poison bottle?

Announcer: Sorry for that... As I was saying, the play you are about to see has been done a million times before. And I won’t say what it is. I want it to be a surprise. (He gives a big broad smile.)

Voice heard from backstage: Where’s Romeo?

Announcer: (For a second, the smile disappears but he instantly regains his happy composure and says) Uhhhhh… let the play begin. Presenting ‘The Making of Romeo&Juliet’ by Plays at the Drop of a Hat…

He drops his hat on the ground and leaves.

SCENE 2

Shakespeare is seen in a pensive mood wondering what to write. A housemaid is seen dusting the furniture. Suddenly, she screams.

Shakespeare: What in the good heavens!

Housemaid: Pardon me sire, but I just saw a huge rat.

Shakespeare: Where?!

Shakespeare searches the room while the housemaid rushes out and comes back with a morsel of bread. She puts it on the ground and stands behind, still terrified.

Shakespeare (looking at the morsel of bread): Good Lord! There is not one but two of them! Elga… what is happening? Why are they falling so weak… so lifeless… so DEAD?!

Elga (looking relieved): Oh.. it’s the rat poison.. it worked! (She smiles at this)

Shakespeare (furious): You fed them poison?! Why Elga Why?! What a sin… what a tragedy… for all you know, they were lovers!

Elga is terrified. Shakespeare seems angry and sad. But all of a sudden, he blinks out of that expression… smiles and hugs Elga and says excitedly, “You’ve done it Elga! You’ve done it!”

Shakespeare goes back to his desk, feverishly scribbles and says: Love – poison – tragedy!

SCENE 3

Shakespeare is again seen in a pensive mood when another housemaid enters into his study and says, “Master, you have visitors.”

Shakespeare: How many of them Mary?

Mary: About half a dozen, master.

Shakespeare: Tell them master dozen want to see them. Hahaha… did you get that Mary? Dozen and doesn’t?! Hahaha… send them in.

Mary: Very well master.

Mary assumes that her master has gone mad. She leaves the study.

The visitors enter. They murmur amongst themselves. Each telling the other to initiate a conversation with Shakespeare. Finally one musters up the courage to speak.

Visitor #1: Good evening sire.

Shakespeare: Well… good evening. You all look nervous. What is it? Have you come to ask me a favour?

Visitor #1: Sire, we may be sons and daughters of blacksmiths and masons, but we are rich in talent. We love to act. We want to act in your play.

Shakespeare: What talent do you talk of?

Visitor #2: I can fight!

Visitor #3: I can sing!

Visitor #4: I can cry!

Visitor #5: I can shout!

Visitor #6: I can run!

Shakespeare (to Visitor #1): And what can you do?

Visitor #1: I can love!
Visitor #3: And so can I!

Shakespeare: Very well… give me your names.

Visitor #1: Romeo.
Visitor #3: Juliet.

Shakespeare: Excellent! Romeo and Juliet… you will have to love and die.

Romeo and Juliet exchange quizzical looks.

Shakespeare: Die in my play…

Juliet: But sire, I cannot love Romeo.

Romeo: It’s true… we are enemies… our families are… her father will kill me if he came to know…

Shakespeare (looks toward the rest of the visitors and says): Could you kindly excuse us? Mary… please show them out to the sitting room…

Shakespeare turns toward Romeo and Juliet, puts an arm around them, brings them to his desk, makes them sit down comfortably, and asks, “Now… where were we?”

Shakespeare winks slyly to the audience.

SCENE 4

Everybody’s congratulating Shakespeare on the success of his play.

Nobleman: That was wonderful William!

Nobleman’s wife (sniffing… into a handkerchief): What inspired you to come up with such a masterpiece?

Shakespeare: Life… what else?

An eavesdropping passer-by hears this, then stops, turns to the audience and says: Why do I smell a rat in here? Shrugs off and walks out.

Suddenly, a troop of royal guards walk in and stop in front of Shakespeare.

Royal guard: Are you William Shakespeare?

Shakespeare: Yes… that would be me.

Royal guard: Alright… We have come to take you to the gallows.

Shakespeare: What?! Have you lost your mind? What have I done?!!!

Royal guard: The Queen… Her Majesty… came to see your play – Romeo&Juliet.

Shakespeare: For that you want to take me to the gallows?

Royal guard: I have not finished. Your play… Romeo&Juliet had a very tragic ending.

Shakespeare: So you punish me for that?!!!

Royal guard: I have not finished. When your play ended, The Queen excused herself and momentarily disappeared.

Shakespeare: I had no hand in that!

Royal guard: I have not finished. She excused herself because she had to cry. Nobody… nobody makes the Queen cry!

Shakespeare: Oh! I am finished.

They whisk Shakespeare out of the stage. Shakespeare screams and struggles to free himself. The stage is bare now. The announcer walks in with the rest of the actors.

Announcer: And Ladies and gentlemen, ‘that’ was the real tragedy of Romeo & Juliet.

All the actors take a bow.

The End